extra extra read all about it!

http://extracurricularmag.blogspot.com/

A few months back Auckland based magazine Extra Curricular asked me to run a Wellington Street Style feature & lordy was that fun!  Thanks to all the beautiful & obliging Cuba St. fashionistas - it's time to check out who came to grace these 2 by 3 pages.  Check out their blog for a comprehensive list of stockists. 

cool story

Lately I've been thinking about strutting my geek.  Upping the eyeball quota.  Getting my four eyes worth.  Last week I received a stern warning from my optometrist get glasses he said or you're going to be sorry.  What he seemed to have forgotten was that I wore glasses from age 5 - 18.  It doesn't get much sorrier than that.  Thirteen years later when I was financially responsible for my visual impairment I did a little dance on those fuckers & never looked back.   According to my Ma I got the art of upright sussed at record speed but the challenge was keeping it that way - growing up I was a walking accident.   As a kid I was always accused of telling stories.  I blame my off the hook imagination on being technically blind.   Because I couldn't actually see the real world I was left with no choice but to invent one.  Simple.  I visually improvised everything & in the process walked into things.  A lot.  I broke arms, smashed my head open more times than a Mexican wrestler & sported a permanent stubbed toe.  I ate things I wasn't supposed too and once took a mean swig of white spirits thinking it was water (apparently near sightedness is also linked to a poor sense of smell).  On a Saturday morning I would attempt to take up residence inside the TV & by age 5 was beginning to resemble a giant bone chip.  Then one day someone (my dad) thought to ask:  can you see & the quick answer to that was no, no I can't.   A school age eye examination revealed that I was blinder than a Texas salamander.  My mother cried.  I remember thinking what's the big deal?  Boy did she have a clue!  Overnight I became a pint sized google eyed monster.  I fell into the lumpy basket reserved for gingers, fat kids & freckle faces.  To be honest it never bothered me much.  The name calling that is.  My dad taught me a handful of highly skilled defensive moves that started with fuck off & if you were particularly unlucky a seat in the dirt.  Now as an adult I'm faced with a different kind of fear & loathing.  I will admit the thought of getting my four eyes back on makes deeply uncomfortable, but oddly this time round, it is for a different reason.  While I was resting my glasses up geeks got cool.  I think I would actually rather die than have anyone ask are those glasses real?   Maybe regardless of what my eye doctor says me & glasses will never be.

eggheads unite

As the proud owner of a moderately working brain (even if it does take occasional & unexpected absence without leave) I have noticed a lot of sans cerebral shit going on lately.   No more dumbass however than layering liberal amounts of tequila on a headcold in the hope that it might actually make me better.  It didn't.   So, when I'm not feeling sorry for myself and thinking of new ways to give my brain a run for it's money, I get to thinking, does the collective I simply not think things through enough.  Are consequences outdated, outmoded & no longer effective as a form of deterrence.  Do we not care if another Starbucks chain store brings down the cafe next door, that as a nation we seem intent on eating ourselves into a fast food induced coma or a great big wonky ship drops a fucking fatherload of oil in one of NZ's premiere tourist destinations.  Actually the location is irrelevant.  What's happened in Tauranga is tragic. A lot of stuff has died, and will die for generations to come.  A headline on stuff.co.nz reads Rena Leaks Oil Overnight.  It is accompanied by a picture of two very happy surfers. I assume they're happy because they are smiling and according to stuff were pleasantly surprised.  Maybe that journalist needs to talk to a few thousand birds and their offspring that will never be.  Perhaps a  dolphin pod or two would bring that pleasant surprise down a notch.  Maybe if they got a chance to talk with to an eco-system that will invariably be affected for years to come the comments wouldn't be so chipper then. 

the book

 

Three of my favorite things //       1: Helmuts

                                                      2: Polaroids

                                                      3: Women owning it.

de-liver me this

In the true spirit of spring I admit this demitasse meal looks a bit like a rabbit coughed it up, but trust me this is the perfect vegetarian brunch - just don't expect your male and or mad meat-eating friends to appreicate this.

Watercress is in season,  tastes just like rocket but cheaper, can be eaten cooked or raw & is ridiculously good for you in a lightening bolt, liver cleansing kinda way.

This is what I do:

Take one ripe red tomato and slice into 3+ chunky slices.  Sprinkle a bit of flaky sea salt,  drizzle with organic olive oil and add a pinch of cayenne pepper (also very good for you). 

Slice half a ripe avacado and arrange on plate. 

Poach two free range eggs and add a handful or two or fresh watercress.  Remove watercress after 30-50 seconds, rinse and drain.  

You can serve now.  

living colour

Monochrome's younger, more adventurous & much prettier sister 'Color' is back!    For those of you clinging to your shades of black on black with accents of gray and lashings of well, more black - the good news is color can be done! 

Whereas I'm more about fashion rulz than actual fashion rules I do have a few pointers that can steer you in the direction of that hip new venue called Color Done Well.

1.  Mix but don't match.  Tear down every wall you ever put up in the name of black meets black and prepare to be surprised.  You can start by doing this in the privacy of your own home & when you think you have it sussed walk out into a brave new world where rainbows rush to greet you.   

2.  To really work color you must wear more than two and a minimum of three.  For those who like to layer you're in luck, color is the new peanut butter jelly of the fashion world so lay it on thick.

 3.  You can still wear black but keep it to a minimum.  Black pants with a one colored cherry on top is dangerous territory & should be reserved for the unadventurous 60+,  so layer it up & painted fingernails do count!     


So there you have it,  breathe deeply into your rainbow colored solar plexus and let the riot begin..... 

++++++++++

* * *

Dear Dan Auerbach, love me - that's all.

All week, all week - these things inside my head.  Like how impossibly unmotivated I am at the moment, coupled with the reoccurring theme : where is my head & why are my shoes talking (again).   Speaking of feet, Winter has planted its big fuck-off foot smack in the middle of Wellies.  Good thing I have a natural affinity to gumboots, pilly jumpers & jeggings (most definitely kidding about the last part).  Yes,  you can try Winter but you will NEVER get me.  And to think it's not even official,  Winter that is.  But rest assured my pre-seasonal rantings are by no means unfounded - it's been fffffff-cold.  Couldn't feel my fffff-fingers, couldn't feel my toes.  And I'm afraid & well just a little bit embarrassed.  You see I assured all a patented Indian summer would come a-la April.

I hate looking like a liar. 

What to do, what to do & creative ways on how to stay warm 101.  Light a fire in your heart!  I created a personal double-negative to cancel out the de-ja-blu-du I've been experiencing lately. What you whisper, something about two negatives don't make a positive - well guess what sometimes they do!     Enter the Black Keys, & exit if you must but please leave Dan Auerbach on the stage. Feeling blue how bout listening to the Blues - schazam I feel happy again, which is just another word for normal really.


Dear Dan Auerbach,  love me - that's all.

Dan Auerbach - When the Night Comes

DONT...

http://www.myfonts.com

love isn't dead....

With time even the most loving relationships get a little repetitious & timeworn -   intimacy fades, as does beauty, but after some consideration I've devised a definitive list on how to revive even the most lagging of relationships.  It doesn't matter if you're semi attached or for that matter semi detached -  for this to work you only need have known the person for a minimum of three days.  

Surprise your partner with a new pet (fish don't count).  To ensure optimum bonding choose a young animal that requires lots of love and attention.  Inform your partner the pet is his & only his.  This works as a great distraction & gives you plenty of time to think of other interesting ways to 'spice' up your relationship. 

Relationships thrive on mystery.  Go to your favorite restaurant but DON'T order the chicken.  This will invariably remind him about the spontaneous,  funtime girl you used to be.  Other ways to be mysterious include hiding the table condiments when he goes to the bathroom and pretending to the waiter that you don't understand the specials.  Alternatively you could try talking in a foreign language or if you're feeling particularly ambitious make one up!

Finances permitting plan a trip somewhere HOT!  Start the day with a wholesome tequila breakfast.  Think outside your typical cereal bowl.  Options could include Tequila jelly on toast, fruit soaked in Agavero or my personal favourite - eggs poached in tequila.  Remember to leave the kids at home & to be on the safe side you should have probably known that special someone for at least 3 weeks before attempting this one.

Perform an unrehearsed strip tease.  Take care not to trip over your underwear (or under your overwear).  For added excitement initiate during the last ten minutes of their favorite TV show but preferably not during yours -  a snacktime embroidered thong is never a good look.   Maintain eye contact with your subject at all times. 

For heightened intimacy during the night wake your partner at two hourly intervals.  Attempt great conversation starters like the defining factors of why your relationship isn't working & round it up with what you'd like for breakfast.

With time intimacy can fade or, perhaps in your case it was never there!  Rest assured it's never too late to cultivate, so start by sharing everything!   Bathing, toileting, mealtimes.  If you're pressed for time, bring him breakfast on the toilet.  You can sit on the bath and talk to him while he eats.  Remember,  despite everything your mother & father told you, intimacy is not created when you partner is in another room.

Be spontaneous about your appearance.  Cut your hair very short or dye it an unusual color.  If you don't have much hair to start with then grow something!  Toenails are a good start.  There's nothing like an impromptu back scratch in the night via a well meaning toenail (or two).  Go on,  surprise him!

good dick

For an off-beat, intriqing & supremely unique 'love-story' watch the Good Dick.  Improbable at almost every turn, this inverted romantic comedy made me laugh (the compulsive, nervous, hysterical kind) & almost cry with it's sharp, succinct & not utterly unexpected ending.    Hold this film tightly & release as the credits roll.

Marianna Palka (Actress & Director)