Lately I've been thinking about strutting my geek. Upping the eyeball quota. Getting my four eyes worth. Last week I received a stern warning from my optometrist
get glasses he said or
you're going to be sorry.
What he seemed to have forgotten was that I wore glasses from age 5 -
18. It doesn't get much sorrier than that. Thirteen years later when I
was financially responsible for my visual impairment I did a little
dance on those fuckers & never looked back. According to my Ma I got the art of upright sussed at record speed but the challenge was keeping it that way - growing up I was a walking accident. As a kid I was always accused of
telling stories. I blame my off the hook imagination on being technically blind. Because I couldn't actually see the real world I was left with no choice but to invent one. Simple. I visually improvised everything & in the process walked into things. A lot. I
broke arms, smashed my head open more times than a Mexican wrestler & sported a permanent stubbed toe.
I ate things I wasn't supposed too and once took a mean swig of white
spirits thinking it was water (apparently near sightedness is also
linked to a poor sense of smell). On a Saturday morning I would attempt to take up residence inside the TV & by age 5 was beginning to resemble a giant bone
chip. Then one day someone (my dad) thought to ask:
can you see & the quick answer to that was
no, no I can't.
A school age eye examination revealed that I was blinder than a Texas
salamander. My mother cried. I remember thinking what's the big deal?
Boy did she have a clue! Overnight I became a pint sized google eyed
monster. I fell into the lumpy basket reserved for gingers, fat kids
& freckle faces. To be honest it never bothered me much. The
name calling that is. My dad taught me a handful of highly skilled defensive
moves that started with fuck off & if you were particularly unlucky a seat in the dirt. Now as an adult I'm faced with a different kind of fear
& loathing. I will admit the thought of getting my four eyes back
on makes deeply uncomfortable, but oddly this time round, it is for a
different reason. While I was resting my glasses up geeks got cool. I
think I would actually rather die than have anyone
ask are those glasses real? Maybe regardless of what my eye doctor says me & glasses will never be.
